Killer W.H.A.L.E review

Braving one of the smellier parts of Johannesburg, I give you some action shots of this beaut. I still smell like sewerage, thanks.

Here it is dear readers, the Killer WHALE, making boys fantasize about big green hovercrafts since 1984. Based on real-world hovercrafts used in the Vietnam conflict (most specifically this craft), the WHALE became G.I. Joe's most oft used light watercraft and seeing use in most of Joe's naval operations. It's regarded by fans as one of the premier pieces in the line. It can travel on land (practically by use of four trolley wheels beneath its skirt) and water, as it really does float quite well. It crews two, can hold a further two crewmen in two gun tubs, has a troop capacity of four in a cozy concealed cabin, and a compartment for a sled, which I suppose could also contain a sled operator or diver. A push plunger makes the rotors spin providing imaginary propulsion, a lever allows a rack of depth charges to roll overboard one-by-one, another button launches the sea-sled from its compartment in the fore of the craft, it comes with an included scout bike, removable machinery covers, two box launchers with a total of eight missiles, a drop-down ramp for troop deployment, dual cannons, a fantastically molded naval Joe by the name of Cutter. There couldn't possibly be more bells and whistles on this craft. It is an enduring classic and a strong reminder of the heyday of soldier toys.

Torpedo makes a stealth insertion. Smart move since a noisy hovercraft would certainly attract any unwanted attention away from Torps' appraoch, allowing him to get on with the dirty job he's no doubt been tasked with. I don't care what you say, this little thing is hella fun. And it shoots out of the nose of the WHALE at such a blinding speed that it literally falls to pieces. Every time. Fun!

Enough gush. I pride my reviews on pointing out the weakness of a toy. The WHALE's biggest flaw is the frailty of some of it's parts. While it is a sturdy craft in the main, its fan assembly is the big bitch to find in good nick. Each individual vane is made up of two flat portions joined in two places by thin plastic. While this was a design implemented to make them bend realistically, in truth too much bending would stress the vanes to the point of cracking. This is made only more likely by the age of the plastic. Another area of weakness is the box missile launchers. They attach to the craft using three opposing teeth - two face forwards, one faces back and that lonely one has to cope with a lot of strain when detaching/attaching the box. Mine broke somewhere between the ebay seller taking pictures of the vehicle and partial disassembly for packing. It's the risk we all take and I don't begrudge him for not noticing.

It must get really tiresome keeping your knees up all the time. And hitting rocks with your toes must suck bigtime.

The bike is woefully undersized. It reminds me of the vehicle packs of 1988 when you try to place a figure on it. But I think as a child, I could have easily suspended my disbelief and loved it to bits. To think the designers had a spot where nothing much was going on, they could have left it open, or doubled up the depth charges, but instead opted to add some new play value to the toy. Did I say I was going to stop gushing?!

100% stud. And do you know what this skipper's Filename is? Skip A. Stone. Ha ha ha.

As already mentioned, the WHALE enjoyed a great deal of exposure in associated Joe media. It had to. For as long as I can remember it is the only Joe seagoing vessel in its class. And to this day remains so. Sure, the APC and Warthog are amphibious but they can't match the WHALE's speed, agility and firepower. While by no means a ocean-going ship, the WHALE can nevertheless take to the open sea but will primarily shine in swampy environments where conventional hulled watercraft or land vehicles will not be able to move.

Cannons, machine guns, removable covers, missiles. This sucker's got it all. And, fearing the worst, I decided not to put my superglue job to the test - the missile box is stuck on with Press-Stick. Check that sweet Killer WHALE design. I love signature vehicle decals. Especially when the fire missiles out of their blowholes.

In short, if you don't have this vehicle, get it. It is a premier piece in any Joe collection. Beautiful, realistic colouring, a paragraph-worth of features, a great size being large but not obscenely so, and an intricate sculpt full of the little details one can expect from the Joe line's zenith. Did I mention how much fun it is to glide this thing along the floor going 'Vrooom'? Well it is. Very.

Another dawn, another jungle, another mission. Yo Joe!