Where to begin? How about the write up, woeful replacement for the filecard that it is.
First off, has copyright law gotten to the
point where we now need a ® and an asterisk? It makes for one ugly blurb. Yes. Text can and should be
aesthetically pleasing. But this package fell out of the ugly tree and most
certainly hit every branch on the way down. Subsequently run over by the ugly
truck and thrown into the ugly bin.
So FIREFLY®* lights up the night on his blast
board? Extra points for being a discreet ninja saboteur there. Lucky for him,
in reality it is not as 'power-charged' as the blurb would have you believe.
The lights are weak at best. But more on that later.
It goes on to say it's loaded with explosive
canisters. Umm. I count one. And there is no capacity for a spare. So I guess
that's a little creative license on the part of the author. And I guess saying
'loaded with explosive canister' sounds less impressive, even if more honest.
Always a spoonful of deceit with your helping of action figure. And that is the
most deadly feature of all.
So he rides this badboy into battle? There had
better be pretty decently paved roads leading into the fray. Preferably on a
downward slope.
Now this is just insulting. This photograph is
reproduced three times on the package and once more in the illustration on the
instructions. And in not one of these images is Firefly gripping the handle.
How the hell is someone supposed to get a "power up" glow off of
these suckers if not even the manufacturer can get him to grasp them? Bad
enough the light is insipid. But once you manage to wrap his hands around
these... nobs, the piping is ineffectual. Yeah. The forearms do not light up.
Deceit!
But let's assume for a minute it did work,
what's the gimmick supposed to denote? That Firefly is some kind of
cyborg who draws energy from his recumbent bike? Maybe he shares Gambit's
mutant ability and it is in fact he who powers the board. I don't know. Could
care less. Wasted too many words already.
But as an added bonus, there is some exposed
piping on the bottom bringing out some engine detail. Very Fast And Furious of
them.
I'm not sure about having the explosive canister
being dispensed in front of the vehicle, unless this is the first luge in the
world to have a reverse gear. Needless to say I will easily ignore this
feature. Hell, at this rate, the luge will most likely wind up in the BFG
drawer, forgotten.
And Firefly himself? Well let's get the tragic
news out of the way. Single knee joints and no wrist or ankle articulation. Ya
know, ten years ago I wouldn't miss them. But ignorance is bliss friends. We have
been spoilt and a gummy plastic Joe with these joints absent channels this
blight:
But beyond that and the green needing a paint wash
or two to dull it down, the sculpt is a winner. I love how the collar and head
sculpt evoke him:
So that if I didn't have this guy already
I could whip up a nifty custom.
There are some decorative paint apps that scream
Dreadnok. Hey, they had a pirate on a flying triangle. A luge rider
wasn't much of a departure.
And here's some pure vanilla. The dinky holsters are functional. And removable. And the guns aren't half bad. Mounting a sensible automatic on the right for detailed work, he's got a massive revolver on the left for all out mayhem.