Are you a vehicle guy, or a figure guy?

Ever thought about that question? It's the Pulp Fiction debate. You can be an Elvis Presley fan. You can also be a fan of The Beatles. But you can never like them both equally. One must edge out the other.

Thanks Uma.

Two opinions jump out at me immediately. The first is our celebrated bastion of Joe news and reviews, Justin 'General Hawk' Bell, who maintains that his interest in the toys is primarily the figures and characters. He has also often expressed a love for new characters and uncelebrated ones such as his nichey favourite, Hit & Run. Vehicles have always been secondary for him. Contrast that with the opinion of Christopher AKA 'Sidewinder' from GI Joe Review Podcast who, if asked as a kid what his favourite GI Joe was, would promptly reply 'The Tomahawk'. He was not referring to a figure.

Not too long ago I stumbled onto an online poll which called for votes on the greatest A Real American Hero toys, hoping to distill a list of ten. Not a single figure made the list. While I can't vouch for the integrity of the poll or its reach, it does give some indication of a handful of fans' consensus about what constitutes a truly great toy. And can you blame them? When all's said and done, in spite of a wealth of varied accessories, paint designs, sculpting and supporting literature, each 3 3/4 inch o-ring figure is much the same as the next in construction and features. The vehicles however were as eclectic and as fantastical (or realistic) as you could get.

The question most of us were plagued with after encountering the modern era figures concerned their backwards compatibility with the vehicles. The earliest reviews all gave size comparisons with the old figures, indicating a height increase to approximately four inches. The foot and back holes where of reduced size, on some figures back holes were altogether absent. Hip articulation was somewhat restricted. So the fans were quickly flung into a panic - sure, the figures look great, but will they be able to ride in a vintage VAMP?

Realizing their error, Hasbro made mold adjustments to a number of re-released vehicles to better accommodate their new offspring. Of course they were never going to refurbish and re-release 12 years worth of vehicles mind you. So the rest of our vintage motorpool went through an awkward phase of round peg; square hole. Let's face it, for all the triumphs of our new Joes, looking comfortable in oldskool vehicles ain't one.

Waitaminute! Tangent alert! Wasn't this an article about which camp I subscribe to? Vehicles or figures? How did I get onto bashing modern Joes? Well, let me join the dots...

I'm a vehicle guy. I had a collection of about four Joes before I had my first set of 'wheels'. It was a Tiger Paw. Then it was the Pulverizer. Then the WOLF. While the figure collection grew and grew, my idea of a good time (other than duking it out with my Ninja Force figures), was loading up a BUGG and a Warthog and waging armoured warfare over my parents generous expanse of lawn. Don't get me wrong, I loved the figures. GI Joe was very optimally scaled to have a slew of vehicles but also for the lowest common denominator (the figures) to be large enough to be fun on their own. As such, the figures got a lot of love. But they got even more love as the crew of a jeep or tank or plane. I guess the play pattern just multiplied exponentially because those vehicles were always built for action. Why do you think every single item of box art portraying vehicles has absolutely every weapon and salvo of ordinance firing? The vehicles just ramped up the violence to Defcon 3!

My love for the vehicles is so great, it is solely responsible for driving a wedge between me and the modern construction of Joe. These newbies are not and can never be substitutes for my original figures. They will never look as good in the vehicles. Sometimes they'll look downright awful. And even the valiant efforts at reviving the old Skystriker and Tomahawk are failures in my eyes. The originals were scaled to a certain size of figure and that was the maximum scale 'cheating' that could occur without the vehicle proportions starting to stink. We can see stinky proportions later on in the line with the Liquidator and Storm Eagle jets which were undersized planes with disproportionate cockpits in order to accommodate a pilot.

 Hell, the Battle Force 2000's Vector had similarly comical proportions. With the revised 'Striker and 'Hawk, we have a situation that feels forced. The interiors are redone to better accommodate newbies, but always at a cost. We lost the rear seat on the Skystriker, and the remaining seat has the included pilot in a reclined position. I hate that. The forthcoming Eaglehawk maintains the dual cockpit but the pilots really do appear to be knocking elbows. Don't get me wrong, the re-tooling is commendable. The floor appears to be sunken, the designers have eked out as much space as they possibly could have to cram the current figures in and still produce a toy that will seamlessly fit in with the vintage Tomahawk. But it still seems forced.

Having answered whether I'm a vehicle guy or a figure guy already, all that remains is to conclude my view on the modern sculpt era and its awkward juxtaposition with the established stable of classic vehicles. We see so much effort expended in re-doing the old vehicles, the far simpler solution seems to have evaded the manufacturers all along - make figures that fit. They say hindsight is 20/20. Perhaps if they knew what they know now about the fanbase's rampant love for the classic vehicles, they would have produced smaller no-ring figures with the classic back- and footpeg dimensions. Maybe they expected the 25th anniversary style to have lived and died as a commemorative footnote in Joe history, and not gone on to completely replace the o-ring brigade. It always seemed strange to me that they would commemorate GI Joe A Real American Hero's 25th birthday with a line of figures that completely ignored the greatest strength of that line - compatibility. Perhaps the no-ring era should have remained an oddity. It didn't, of course.

 If I am to speculate on the future of Joe, based on my continual return to loving the o-ring figures more than everything else, we will see a return to o-ring scaling with modern era proportions, construction and features. Yes friends, the time may come again when we are made to re-collect all the characters we hold so dear to our hearts, just as we did in the 25th and 30th anniversary revolution. Hell, we do it already. Practically every wave has a replacement for last wave's Duke, Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow. But that HiSS you have from 1983 will keep looking sweeter and sweeter... Your old HQ will never need a replacement... The WHALE will never be topped by a later release... You can always count on the vehicles to stand the test of time.

I'm a vehicle guy.

CLAWing Back

Admittedly a terrible title. Kept trying to think of a better one. Nothing came.

But it's fitting, because rescued from the brink of oblivion, I give you not one, but two Cobra Light Aerial Weapons.

So these puppies and their blueprints were discovered in local comic store Cosmic Comics on Beyers Naude Drive, Johannesburg, along with some other assorted tat. CLAWs have always intrigued me, it is so exotic these days to see so many design elements invested in a small vehicle such as this. The red aping of the mold used in the 25th Anniversary pack with a (Strato) Viper, Outback and the FLAK cannon was a bit off-putting. It reduced the size, number of parts and features of the original to bare lip service. It makes me a very happy boy to report that this 25th knock off is about as close to the original as these things are:

...not very.

But a further obstacle stood between me and buying one online. The constant nag of Modern Era compatibility. But as of the writing of this article, I'm off collecting Modern Era figures. At least for now.

So what does the CLAW do so well? It has a staggering amount of features for a vehicle so small, including:

• Removable bomb and rockets
• Removable gun shroud
• Movable ailerons
• Movable canard wings
• Rolling wheels
• Retractable rear wheels
• Extending wings
• Holds one figure

In addition to all this, the molding is superb. Panel lines and intricate mechanical details abound, the rear landing gear have molded shocks, the gun, gear, rockets and exhaust nozzles are rendered in a dark grey, contrasting nicely with the brilliant eggshell fuselage...

...funny thing about that word 'eggshell'. Appropriate too. Yes folks, this is a very frail and brittle toy. Treat it like gold leaf. I can't see it crashing onto anything firmer than soft grass unscathed. The white plastic is also prone to discolouration and the joints to which the rear wheels clip look in danger of stressing and cracking. This ain't no Air Commando's Glider!

And what function do they serve for Cobra? The cartoon used them as all out, air warfare pawns, often animating a squadron of them accompanying FANGs to harass GI Joe ground forces. The comic book both in American and British publications used them as one-man stealth insertion craft thus:

But all mediums ignored the CLAWs real shining attribute - unmanned drone. I envision a scenario where a small group of Cobra commandos need air support and extraction, the CLAWs are dispatched to assist, engaging hostiles from the air with a flurry of bombs, rockets and machine gun fire, before landing on a short dirt strip or road and functioning as as air extraction for the departing Cobra forces. In an age of unmanned drone warfare, it makes sense for Cobra to top US drones by firstly being rocket powered and secondly being able to hold a trooper if needs be. It never included a specialized pilot and this supports the theory that it is deployed in such capacity and can be returned to base as a drone vehicle, without the occupant having to undergo too much specialized training in its operation. 

Okay, so how many toys do you own?

This hobby consumes me. I can't seem to keep it out of even the most adult, polite conversation.  It's my thing. It'll be my thing for as long as I live. Yours too perhaps. You are, after all, reading a blog about toys. So what is the layperson question I get more often than most?

Well.

It's the title of this article, so don't make me repeat it. Any second-year student will tell you it's pretty amateurish to repeat the article's title, word for word. So there.

If you get this question as often as I do, it sets your mind aflight on a number of tangents. How do you quantify a toy collection? Each individual figure no doubt includes accessories. Some of those accessories can be the size of, if not bigger than, other figures. Do vehicles including a figure or figures and accessories count as one, or do you break the set down into smaller components that can each answer to the catchall word 'toy'? It soon becomes a mind-bogglingly complex task and a definite conversation killer you wished you hadn't embarked on, as the glazed over look in the girl you are trying so hard to impress becomes more apparent.

Doesn't stop it from being a fascinating question for the self-respecting toy geek, tho.

To answer it satisfyingly, you have to limit its scope a little. Set some criteria. define the ambit.

I have my answer, I got it by limiting my census to the scale world I overwhelmingly collect. That being the 3 to 4 inch, 1:18 scale a la GI Joe, Star Wars, and now Marvel Universe, to name but a few. That is not to say I don't have other scaled toys. I do. Everything from Micromachine people to 12-inch Gundam suits. But for now, I'm satisfied to know how many 1:18 people inhabit my home. Thus...

So how many toys do I own? Well, as of the making of this video, 703 souls inhabited my home. A further ten turned up a day later, they had been hiding in various places I'd missed. As of the writing of this article, a further 85 have entered my life so I am two figures short of 800. It took me about 10 hours of labour finding, sorting, setting them out and then packing them back. It was sometimes fun, most times back breaking, and left my room in a complete shambles with vehicles strewn about the floor, stripped of their drivers. I should have taken a picture of that. Did you notice how they've been ordered according to date stamp from old to new? Of course you don't, because that is on skuzzy clip. That was a royal pain in the ass to do. But it is done and I have my answer. Totally sleep better at night now.

Three Deadly Ebay Sins

Being an avid Ebay-er since 1999, I have a good helping of success stories... and a handful of disasters. But who's got the time? Instead, here are three of my favourite shockers. And they are all the sad symptoms of being a buyer in South Africa.

First up we have the absurd situation where a loose figure costs more than twice its 'buy it now' price in postage. Are they packaging it in gold leaf? A simple bubble envelope will suffice. Really.

Here we have another model citizen of Ebay. Laughably indicating that he/she/it ships worldwide and then following up with the most exhaustive list of exceptions. And what's right at the top? Africa. Well sir/madam/thing, fuck you for defeating my attempts at filtering you out. You waste my time. And battery. 14%. Damn smartphones.

And the coup de grace. I don't think it necessary to say anything more than that I had a Flagg sent to me from the United States for $180 in shipping charges two and a half years ago. Last year a Mobile Command Centre set me back $60 in shipping. The above item's charge is either a sick joke. Or I'll never be able to afford anything bigger than a Snowcat for the rest of my collecting days.

Love that the service is called 'UPS Worldwide Saver'. Assholes.

When everything else fails, vintage doesn't

With modern era GI Joe's becoming more and more impressive, I get a little bewildered when I'm at my friend Paul's place admiring his staggering collection. Dozens of versions of Duke, Storm Shadow, Cobra Commander and, of course, Snake Eyes. I recall as a child trying to decide on which versions of SE I wished to play with in the day's adventure. I had access to two back then. Now I am spoiled for choice, and I fear that too much choice has spoiled my appreciation. Each one seems cooler than the next too many toys all so cool I don't know what to do I have great toys that get no love because I always have my eye on the next one...

...Stop this hobby. I want to get off.

I needed to retreat. And what better way to do that than to crawl back into where it all begun. When collecting and more importantly appreciating IE playing with the toys was paramount.

It all started in mid March. I was tooling around Camden Town in London and happened upon this guy:

I was all of a sudden swept up in the impressive detail in his sculpt, the uniqueness of his parts and, of course, his ease of compatibility with vehicles and equipment. What we gained in the current construction of GI Joe came at a cost. And I think the biggest cost is fun. Vintage Joe was meant to be played with! I find myself constantly tied up with the fear of losing the infinitesimal knee pads, silencers, holstered guns and knives. All the added poseability only matters in executing impressive poses on your mantelpiece, not for jamming your figures into an AWE Striker loaded with weapons and waging war.

So instead of buying current releases, I'm trawling Ebay for vintage figures I love and as yet do not own. First was a 1989 Blizzard. A cool figure with interesting gear, but made so desirable by being playable in the Taxan videogame. $9. Then I won an auction for a complete Alpine for once again $9. I was going for a Duke, Alpine was just gonna help fill the box out a little. But alas, the main prize was snatched away from me with two seconds left on the clock. I bid too early! Don't you just hate it when that happens?

I had some years ago owned 1989's Stalker, Toxo-Viper and Charbroil. Stalker bought it at the mercy of the lawnmower. And Char and Toxo's crime? O-ring death. And I was young and foolish enough to believe a perished O-ring was incurable. I binned them. My turn to be the fool. I kept their accessories however and  as a result it was very affordable to pick up loose, incomplete specimens on the 'bay.

Then a buddy of mine offloaded about seventy o-ring action figures on me. Some Battle Corps, some Star Brigade, Talking Battle Commanders... the balance being an enormous force of vintage The Corps! figures. A number of duplicates of toys I had, but a few gems gladly accepted. I am really impressed by Star Brigade Roadblock. What a sterling figure, and given nice exposure to in some of the swan song issues of the original book, issues 145-148.

Put your desires into the universe, and the universe will spit something out. I kept on striking it lucky. Walking into a comic dealer in Johannesburg hoping to buy a vintage Thundercats Thundertank I had seen there previously, the store owner asked me what I was looking for. My hopeful response, as always, was 'GI Joe'. He took down a box of bits and bobs. After the most cursory of glances I asked for the price, he said R200, I dropped the requisite crisp note on the counter and bolted, box in hand. This is the treasure I had unearthed.

I don't know what is more irritating, the fact that someone got the Arctic HiSS, Rattler, Vamp and Snow Serpent before I had the chance; or the fact that those toys will forever be incomplete. RRRRRRRRRGH.

Wild Weasel filecard, Arctic HiSS blueprint, filecard and used sticker sheet,  Stinger 4WD blueprint, Vamp Mk.II blueprint, Japanese Rattler blueprint and catalogue, Nemesis Enforcer and Firefly Impel cards and three Triple Win Game scratchcards. Wow.

True story: I had a sticker of this guy stuck to the side of the shelf precisely where my toddler potty was. And as I shat, I fantasized about one day owning Dusty. That day has finally arrived. Amen. 

Someone had already made off with the Rattler, Arctic HiSS, Stinger, ASP and Vamp Mk.II. There might have been a second Stinger jeep as I found two drivers lying spare in the box. And I found a Snow Serpent's gear, suggesting some fool took the figure and his attached parachute pack, leaving the rest of the gear. Fool. But what cool stuff, for next to nothing. I had never owned vintage blueshirts, CLAWs or even a vintage HiSS. And you best believe reviews are on the way. I could do my head in pondering how these toys came into my possession, I'll definitely go back and interrogate Mr Cosmic Comics. But the Rattler had Japanese paperwork, the ASP, Stinger and Vamp blueprints were from the United States. If these were bought locally, the paperwork would have been European. There were two Impel cards, which I never saw released locally either. Neither was the Arctic HiSS. There were Triple Win scratch cards - inserts from 1985 carded figures. So Dusty and the Snow Serpent might have been carded at the hands of the meticulous former owner. I wonder what the third figure was? The CLAWs both have European decals...

...this was just one beautiful box of mystery and mirth. And I love it all to bits.

Just in case you missed it. This is a 3D film. 

GI Joe is the codename for America's rogue terrorist team. Its purpose: sow global instability by assassinating heads of state, seizing nuclear weapon caches and going weapons hot in a room full of world leaders.

If you expected a beaming review of GI Joe 3D: Retaliation, look elsewhere. This film offends me. Not like the first did. It offends me in its own distinctive way. I so want to throw my support behind GI Joe's new endeavors. I really do. Quite desperately. But I cannot. I can only add to the deafening roar of hate mail and pray all is not lost for the GI Joe live action realm. But my hope is fading fast.

In a very broad, early swipe, it is evident that the makers of this sequel were never going to try and defy the B-grade action movie box the first film fit. With Saturday morning cartoon plot, weak scripting, disjointed pace and often times cringeworthy character development, this was hardly going to be the film that elevated our hobby into critical acclaim. The least it could have done was be truer to its source. And on that score it was hit and miss.

Let's begin with my biggest gripe - characters. At the top, we have the team leaders. For the Joes, Roadblock. It's an interesting choice, and it does actually work. It works primarily because they collapsed Roadblock and other Afro-American Joe, Stalker. The field commander savvy; the gang connections; the father angle... these are all associations the fanbase have with Stalker. And chalking up the Roadblock marks, we have 'chef', 'big black guy' and big gun. Regardless, he's calling the shots now that Duke is dead and Hawk is inexplicably omitted.

For the Cobra's, things are a little less clear. Okay, it's a no-brainer to say Cobra Commander is in charge. But is he really the central villain? Gratefully the bedpan mask is gone, replaced by a very cool look with a classic silver faceplated helmet and black leather. But exactly what did Cobra Commander do in the course of the film? Escape, threaten the world, escape. And boy can the man strut with style in slo-mo. It's a wonder Firefly and Storm Shadow endeavored to rescue him in the first place- the sole contribution to Cobra's master plan that old CC made was push a red button.

Good films set up a balance of good and evil; superb films garner sympathy for their antagonist. I must say I felt nothing for Cobra Commander. And I wished I could. For so many fans, CC is a firm favourite. I fear the only thing this representation nailed was the look. Firefly proved to be the more spotlit villain and had the swagger to match. I must say I did enjoy his portrayal, and there were some parallels to the Dreadnoks which in spite of myself I actually liked. The canonical Firefly is a mystery who never removes his mask and is not ostentatious about his work. In the words of his 1984 filecard "...no one has ever reported seeing him enter or leave any target area". The film version is anything but discreet with his robotic firefly explosive calling card, leather biker look and steady patter. I suppose you sometimes need to go outside of canon to stand out among a bevvy of mysterious ninja-types. Destro had a non-role. The Baroness even less. Zartan could have been a more potent villain, but they killed him off in the most anticlimactic showdown in Joe history. And of course, Storm Shadow did his old trick and switch sides.

Rounding out the Joe team we had Snake Eyes, adequately portrayed I guess. They weren't up to doing anything too far out with him, so glorified stuntman in a mask is all Ray Park was to be. Challenge to make a mute ninja anything more than two-dimensional duly declined.

Duke was a joke, and not a funny one. It seems the additional scenes of Channing Tatum are all intended to be lighthearted and comical. I did not find them in the least bit funny. So naturally I feel like they were a waste of time and down right insulting. To have the supposed leader of the Joes engage in some rather clumsy repartee with Roadblock about videogames and marksmanship, babysitting and karaoke no doubt had the aim of giving the film a lighter touch and a bit of heart, especially considering Duke's pending death. But since Tatum's portrayal of Duke is so far off any of the qualities I had ever associated with the tough as nails GI Joe First Shirt, I just closed my eyes and prayed for it to stop. Tatum's Duke is petulant, pretty and puerile. He seems to still be the rookie-with-potential character he was in the first film, and hasn't demonstrated the kind of growth into leadership the prologue suggests. I think the biggest joke was his casting in the first place. With all the retconning going into Retaliation, an audience would easily accept a recast. The counter argument proffered by the filmmakers is that his star was on the rise and that he would drive traffic to the box office. I'd buy that. If they didn't kill him off within the first fifteen minutes.

Flint was a parkour master who didn't seem to leave me with the impression of any more education or breeding than Roadblock. I agree that Lady Jaye should show him up in the intelligence stakes. I just don't think they should have made it that easy. Between him and Duke, I have a hard time figuring out which is the bigger dimwit. Lady Jaye herself was easy on the eye, gratuitous shots of her in garments of the low-cut, form-fitting variety will keep horny fanboys titillated. She got to show off her smarts and gave us some insight into her daddy issues. Tender moments like that, while appreciated, did seem to jar a bit. Hey this filum has it all! High drama and everything! Jaye wants to prove herself to her dead dad! Genius! Shoehorn that in!

Okay. It's not all bad. I thought Storm Shadow was dead on. A triumph. His uneasy alliance with the Joes explained so succinctly thus: 'I am not with you. But for once I am not against you'. And his hatred for Snake-Eyes was justifiably, albeit briefly exposed. Looking back over the film's arc, it is true to say that Snake-Eyes was the aggressor. Storm Shadow the hunted. Every bit the tortured warrior the comics tried to portray, not the two-dimensional white punching-bag for Snake-Eyes.

Finally, old war horse Joe Colton. I distinctly felt like Bruce Willis stuck to the formula of Bruce Willis acting, because I'm sure there were days on set when he thought: "what the fuck am I doing? This is such a simple piece of shit". That said, he is always a compelling performer. And God knows it must have taken some strong compulsion to get himself thru this shoot. But he's a pro. I enjoyed him.
Plot wise there are a few issues that plague me. The opening action sequences are pretty un-PC for one. And this is a major issue I take with the film. It's the reason I opened with a bastardized version of GI Joe's old mission statement. We open with a rather confusing infiltration of North Korea, rather serious business which the Joes seem to joke their way through (Tatum is soooo funny); a rescue of a single hostage we are offered no clue as to the value of; and then a giant Fuck You to the North Koreans in the form of the GI Joe flag being raised on their pole. Way to go, piss off the most ludicrous military regime in the world. Not too savvy on the Joes' part, and a clear demonstration of the insubordination that seems to go down on a regular basis. 

Next we have them invade yet another sovereign nation at the behest of an impersonator president - Pakistan. The Joes attack a nuclear weapons site, waste the security and steal the warheads. Did I mention they were invading sovereign territory? Murdering that nation's armed forces with no provocation?  Seems like an open invitation to start a war. And it makes my blood boil. I thought Joes were the good guys. 

Now here's the rub.

It is a soldier's sworn duty under international law to disobey orders that are patently illegal. This is why the 'following orders' was not an accepted defense at war tribunals at Nuremberg for instance. GI Joe is an elite military organisation that has in the past demonstrated a degree of autonomy and discretion. Which is why we see in the comic books story arcs where the Joes defy power hungry military leaders within the American military machine. The Joes are smart, ethical, Real American Heroes, who have sworn to defend the Constitution from enemies foreign and domestic. Which is why it offends me that in this film they are portrayed as shoot-first, ask questions later, gung-ho imbeciles who don't have a second thought about confirming Colonel Brekov's claim that they are the 'Running-Dog Lackeys of Imperialist Aggression'. I wonder how viewers in Pakistan felt about having their troops shot to pieces by the Joes. The troops in question were very cleverly designed so as to not look like a national army. So that in the eyes of most viewers we'd just associate them with 'baddie', 'terrorist', 'insurgent' and 'Muslim'. Way to go Joe, enforce cultural stereotyping. It's insulting and unsophisticated writing. To be fair, in this piece, the Joes are the bad guys. Following the illegal orders of an impostor president acting with no oversight or consideration. They deserved to have their command terminated with extreme prejudice. And in the immortal words of Jay Zee, should '...accept their fate'.

But a handful survive and set out to atone for their sins by exposing said impostor president and eliminating him. Massive case of locking the gate after the horse has bolted, but hey, there's your plot folks. Joe fucks up, Joe goes rogue, Joe makes good. Throw in the standard doomsday weapon and you've got a movie that you cannot think too hard about. Which I have no doubt done. I guess it's too much to ask for a film portraying characters and concepts so near and dear to my heart to do more than give me big explosions and cool combat. So let me stop ranting and actually focus on what I liked in Retaliation. And since this article is looking waaaaay too dense, I'll do it in point form.

1. Vehicle designs. We're not going to see a single movie-accurate vehicle toy, I know. But they were terrific and make my heart ache a bit. Each and every one a winner. First prize would have been to actually make toy accurate vehicles based on say, the Tomahawk, Moccasin, Rattler, HiSS. That's the nostalgia junkie in me talking. But this is a pretty close second, and I'll gladly take it. My best? The HiSS tanks. Too bad they were so rapidly dispatched by Roadblock, I would have loved to see them do some damage.
2. Ninja duels. The fight choreography all-round was commendable. Firefly and Roadblock had some pretty intense combat (and a bit of gun-fu, silly, but fun to watch nevertheless). Of course Snake and Storm's showdown was excellent. Two masters in the field of film combat going at it with shurikens, guns, blades, sais, feet and hands, was a real treat. only to be followed by my personal high point of the movie...
3. ...the mountain zip line sequence. I don't think there has ever been an action sequence like it and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The retroactive 3D processing assisted the already stunning visuals and did not detract in any way.
4. Adrianne Palicki. Woo hoo.

From top to bottom, we have a poster in London, South Africa and Singapore. Yes ladies and gents, the name of this film was clearly GI Joe 3D. Classy...

My trip to Maynard Mall was fun because...

Countdown and I revisited the site of our first date today.

It's been about 23 years. A lot has changed since then. I'm about three times my size and weight and a lot hairier. He's gone a bit yellow and very loose in the knees. But no matter. But we danced. We played. We laughed. Reminisced about the day I picked him off the shelf at the CNA (now a Clicks store in the picture), how I tore away the clear plastic bubble in the large, open area filled with plastic chairs and tables (now very claustrophobic and filled with an escalator), how I immediately lost the string and end of his grapple line. They were good times. Probably the best times.

Probably the shelf I took him down from. The company has changed somewhat since then, mind you.

Countdown then went down in history as my friend Justin's favourite figure. It must have been the jet pack. Walking's for saps. Countdown's career ended rather ignobly with him being the butt of Robert and Alastair's jibes because his head sculpt was apparently very Indian. I don't see it personally. But my racist friends always gave him this comical Bangladeshi accent which had them in stitches while secretly pissing me off something awful.

Dicks.