Dreadnok Thunder Machine

The first time I ever heard of the Darwin Awards was when family friends were discussing a guy who apparently wiped himself out by bolting a jet engine to the bed of his pickup truck and used it to propel the vehicle. It and driver got smudged against a mountanside I believe. In the same breath, I now turn to the Dreadnok Thunder Machine.

The Dreadnoks were a group of less-than-conventional Cobra affiliates. They were essentially a biker gang, led by Zartan. Their function is a little less clear. On the odd occasion the were used as intelligence operatives, often in support of Zartan or Zarana - which is odd considering how little intelligence the Dreadnoks seemed to possess. But their major occupation seemed to be mayhem and destruction with no further strategic objective. And I'm sure it was always a device the writers and artists of the comic and cartoon had a great deal of fun with. Comic writer Larry Hama, who cooked up the 'Noks regards them as one of his favourite ideas. Personally I was never a fan, particularly since they were in practically every episode of the cartoon. I often felt that the fight was more one of Joe versus Dreadnoks rather than Joe versus Cobra.

Note the presence of the turbine behind the driver position. That's why Thrasher didn't bother installing a radio. I wouldn't recommend wearing a scarf...

Toy-wise, the Dreadnoks were well represented with a varied membership, added to each year from 1985 until 1989. They had a motorpool of Dreadnok-specific vehicles and a few 'appropriated' ones; but strangely enough, no bikes! Well, no two-wheelers at least. They appropriated Cobra Ferret quads, and they had that weird tricycle thing, but the conventional bikes they were depicted on were never produced.

The one vehicle that everyone knows and loves is Thrasher's Thunder Machine. I could be wrong, but I believe in both cartoon and comic, Thrasher blags his way into the established Dreadnok ranks by showing off this beast. And it is.

It's a total cobbling together of parts other reviewers have done a far better job of identifying so I'll just break it down as a Trans-Am front, an armoured roll cage driver/passenger position and the back end of a pickup truck with a jet engine mounted in the bed. Apparently all propulsion comes from the jet, leaving room enough up front for not one but two ferocious 20mm chain guns. This kind of haphazard arrangement requires some suspension of disbelief. Assuming it all works as it should, the Thunder Machine should be able to go frighteningly fast in a straight line. Do anything else, and you don't need to be Jeremy Clarkson to know that you'd be in trouble. The Thunder Machine was depicted as being fraught with control issues, often rolling itself   in battle. But if it caught anything in its sights, tickets. Those weapons are tantamount to having two Rattler's opening up with their cannons. Light vehicles, armoured vehicles, fortifications - if the Thunder Machine got the drop on any of the above they'd be history.

I'm not sure how a subtle guy like Zartan feels about these behemoths. Neither do I. Spinning the wheel feeds the bullet belt through  under the barrels. Trouble is they feed the same way, and there is no getting around the fact that it's one continuous loop of bullet belt. So the one gun is getting the other's leftovers, until the belt gets taut and you reverse. And Hasbro considered this an 'action feature'?

Aside from less than common-sense design, the toy is quite gorgeous. The level of sculpted detail that this era of Joe possessed is staggering, from that bucket seats, to the grip-textured running boards, to the dashboard dials to the turbine detail - I could easily continue.

There is also a very nice sense of less than perfect bodywork as the vehicle is laced with dings, scratches, crumpled panels and general wear. It's a mean machine, not built to look pretty. I generally like to clean my vehicles up a bit. Not in the case of the Thunder Machine as I find grit, discolouration and stains improve it! It has a set of decals which add detail like headlights, tailights, lamps and the police-car lights on the roof. Sadly my sample is missing the latter decals but I'm not too upset. I could use paint or Cobrastickers.com to help me out if it cuts me up too much. And the tyres are rubber. Amen. This means they will realistically grip rough and smooth surfaces and don't go clackity-clack, or get damaged by doing the very thing they were put on this earth to do. I always cringe a bit when I roll plastic tyres over bricks...

My expanding Mad Max-esque motorpool.

The front grille is famously fragile as it comes as a flat piece which you have to bend to fit into place while putting the toy together. It is therefore impossible to assemble a Thunder Machine without stressing the plastic, but a little paint could no doubt make those stresses disappear. The grille is in no danger of breaking (I hope) provided it's simply held in place and not subject to continuous bending. My Thunder Machine appears to be a bit of an anomaly as its chassis is black and not blue. I have not found any reference to this on the net so far.

Note the tow bar. I appreciate the fun kids can have hooking this up to, say, an Assault Systems Pod and hauling it around. But that ASP had better be clad in asbestos, is all I'm saying

So what do I think of the Thunder Machine? Well that question must first address what I think of the Dreadnoks. Personally, I could do without them. To me, they served to diffuse G.I. Joes mission a bit. Instead of hunting a global, para-military terrorist group, they were getting mixed up with domestic biker punks. The Dreadnoks should have been dealt a swift double-tap to the head, but they became fan favourites thanks to their portrayal in the Joe media and have become icons of the Joe-verse. I like this vehicle because it is so very unique but held off getting it for the longest time as it just doesn't fit. I can't very well see conventional Cobra operatives operating it, so it's inclusion in my Cobra motorpool must acknowledge the presence of the Dreadnoks. I only own Monkeywrench and now Thrasher and have no desire at getting any more. So what does my Thunder Machine do? And the answer is: I have no idea. Cobra's attempt at the world land speed record? All I can say is a spoiler wouldn't be amiss as this thing I'm sure would have a tendency to take off.

Being a Dreadnok is all about rocking your midriff. 

Thrasher is starting to grow on me. A solid sculpt (albeit a bit top heavy with a big head, big body and leeeetle legs) he would have seen use in my more imaginative, possibly sci-fi adventures. Must be the lumo green streaks. I like the raised spikes on his shins, and the paint applications sprung to include little dabs of silver to denote spikes on his right wrist. His left hand is sculpted as wearing a sports mitt of some kind. His weapon of choice? A spiked lacrosse stick. Nice. He is also armed with a killer smirk.