Thunder Machine is compact!

It fits perfectly inside the Chap Mei Chinook. You need only pull out the antenna. Or just bend it to fit if you like playing rough! In the Marvel Comics series, Zartan had a transport helo which could comfortably fit the Thunder Machine, the Dreadnoks and their bikes.  I wouldn't try to cram the whole gang into my chopper, but it's a start! Incidentally Zartan's copter could also disguise itself as a bus holographically. Wow. I give you the 1980's.

The Flagg must belong to COBRAAAA!

I never can decide what kind of loadout the Flagg should carry. Do you ignore it's scale problems? If so do, do you cram it impossibly or try to maintain some space on deck to land and take off craft? If you like the Flagg to be realistically scaled, ie a micro carrier, what is the most useful purpose to for it to have? I took some (bad) photos of possible Flagg set ups. But I have a startling conclusion. Well, not so startling, if you bother to read the article's title!

Option 1- Amphibious Mission.

The deck has an Osprey, two Seahawks and a Skystorm. I imagine this would make the make the most sense for a Marine-style assault force. I would laden the interior with a W.H.A.L.E and a pair of Warthogs. Everything fits, everything can be expanded for launch, contracted for storage and rough weather. Minimum suspension of disbelief.

Option 2- Air Superiority

With only three Navy aircraft on the deck, she's crowded. One of the three must always be on the launch strip, and in preparation for a landing plane, another (the F-18's, in the picture) must be moved into its place. But it works. Assuming the pilot doesn't overshoot, the arrestor cable will snag the tail of a landing plane before it hits the the rest of the planes. Hard to get your head around. But so much fun.

Option 3- 1986

This setup has one rationale - it's G.I. Joe's 1986 air force. I would perch another Tomahawk on there somewhere, but I do wish the rotor blades would fold like the real thing. The chopper can't be positioned flush against the tower. It's a pain. But the Conquest is a very compact aircraft and works well on the deck of the Flagg. A lot better than the Skystriker, for whom the Flagg was intented. For instance, the wings of a landing Striker just avoid clipping the tower. The Conquest lands more comfortably than anything with a wingspan. I just don't really love the Conquest... never have.

Option 4- Mixed Bag

Here we have a compromise - an Osprey for ferrying personnel, a Conquest and Skystriker for air superiority and my favourite, a Skystorm for close air support. I choose the Skystorm over the Dragonfly because it's faster, able to keep up with the Osprey easily and... well the Dragonfly is green and wouldn't look as good! The Osprey is by far the bulkiest craft, but as you can see, it stores nicely like a carrier-based craft should, with folding wings and blades.

Option 5- Purist Air Superiority

Joe jets only. The pic isn't well enough lit, but the Phantom is on the launch strip. With this line up, the Flagg can carry out air support, bombing missions, surveillance and air superiority. And it's all Joe. Feel the love. And you can land a Tomahawk could land forward of the Skystriker, or aft of the Conquest, but how you would be able to shuffle the craft in order to launch and land the jets? The Tomahawk would have to take off, and then the jets would be jostled for position.

Option 6- COBRAAA!

Cobra's craft are well suited to operating in tight spaces. Everything on the deck is VTOL - the Firebat, Rattler, Hurricane, Mamba all take-off and land vertically. I included a black Chinook to demonstrate its space effectiveness as it crams in there nicely. There is an abundance of remaining space, you could easily throw a handful of Fangs or Fang II's onto the deck. Or a swarm of Firebats. And the cool thing about the Firebats is how you can fit two on the deck elevator. And not many aircraft can succeed in that. I wouldn't land a Night Raven on the deck- it would be difficult to move into position around all the smaller craft. And don't get me started on how nicely BUGGs, Hammerheads and Sea Ray's fit into the bowels of the ship. Morays look pretty terrific too.

So in conclusion: Joe needs to appropriate some Cobra craft. Or Cobra should capture the Flagg.

COBRAAAAAA!

Dreadnok Thunder Machine

The first time I ever heard of the Darwin Awards was when family friends were discussing a guy who apparently wiped himself out by bolting a jet engine to the bed of his pickup truck and used it to propel the vehicle. It and driver got smudged against a mountanside I believe. In the same breath, I now turn to the Dreadnok Thunder Machine.

The Dreadnoks were a group of less-than-conventional Cobra affiliates. They were essentially a biker gang, led by Zartan. Their function is a little less clear. On the odd occasion the were used as intelligence operatives, often in support of Zartan or Zarana - which is odd considering how little intelligence the Dreadnoks seemed to possess. But their major occupation seemed to be mayhem and destruction with no further strategic objective. And I'm sure it was always a device the writers and artists of the comic and cartoon had a great deal of fun with. Comic writer Larry Hama, who cooked up the 'Noks regards them as one of his favourite ideas. Personally I was never a fan, particularly since they were in practically every episode of the cartoon. I often felt that the fight was more one of Joe versus Dreadnoks rather than Joe versus Cobra.

Note the presence of the turbine behind the driver position. That's why Thrasher didn't bother installing a radio. I wouldn't recommend wearing a scarf...

Toy-wise, the Dreadnoks were well represented with a varied membership, added to each year from 1985 until 1989. They had a motorpool of Dreadnok-specific vehicles and a few 'appropriated' ones; but strangely enough, no bikes! Well, no two-wheelers at least. They appropriated Cobra Ferret quads, and they had that weird tricycle thing, but the conventional bikes they were depicted on were never produced.

The one vehicle that everyone knows and loves is Thrasher's Thunder Machine. I could be wrong, but I believe in both cartoon and comic, Thrasher blags his way into the established Dreadnok ranks by showing off this beast. And it is.

It's a total cobbling together of parts other reviewers have done a far better job of identifying so I'll just break it down as a Trans-Am front, an armoured roll cage driver/passenger position and the back end of a pickup truck with a jet engine mounted in the bed. Apparently all propulsion comes from the jet, leaving room enough up front for not one but two ferocious 20mm chain guns. This kind of haphazard arrangement requires some suspension of disbelief. Assuming it all works as it should, the Thunder Machine should be able to go frighteningly fast in a straight line. Do anything else, and you don't need to be Jeremy Clarkson to know that you'd be in trouble. The Thunder Machine was depicted as being fraught with control issues, often rolling itself   in battle. But if it caught anything in its sights, tickets. Those weapons are tantamount to having two Rattler's opening up with their cannons. Light vehicles, armoured vehicles, fortifications - if the Thunder Machine got the drop on any of the above they'd be history.

I'm not sure how a subtle guy like Zartan feels about these behemoths. Neither do I. Spinning the wheel feeds the bullet belt through  under the barrels. Trouble is they feed the same way, and there is no getting around the fact that it's one continuous loop of bullet belt. So the one gun is getting the other's leftovers, until the belt gets taut and you reverse. And Hasbro considered this an 'action feature'?

Aside from less than common-sense design, the toy is quite gorgeous. The level of sculpted detail that this era of Joe possessed is staggering, from that bucket seats, to the grip-textured running boards, to the dashboard dials to the turbine detail - I could easily continue.

There is also a very nice sense of less than perfect bodywork as the vehicle is laced with dings, scratches, crumpled panels and general wear. It's a mean machine, not built to look pretty. I generally like to clean my vehicles up a bit. Not in the case of the Thunder Machine as I find grit, discolouration and stains improve it! It has a set of decals which add detail like headlights, tailights, lamps and the police-car lights on the roof. Sadly my sample is missing the latter decals but I'm not too upset. I could use paint or Cobrastickers.com to help me out if it cuts me up too much. And the tyres are rubber. Amen. This means they will realistically grip rough and smooth surfaces and don't go clackity-clack, or get damaged by doing the very thing they were put on this earth to do. I always cringe a bit when I roll plastic tyres over bricks...

My expanding Mad Max-esque motorpool.

The front grille is famously fragile as it comes as a flat piece which you have to bend to fit into place while putting the toy together. It is therefore impossible to assemble a Thunder Machine without stressing the plastic, but a little paint could no doubt make those stresses disappear. The grille is in no danger of breaking (I hope) provided it's simply held in place and not subject to continuous bending. My Thunder Machine appears to be a bit of an anomaly as its chassis is black and not blue. I have not found any reference to this on the net so far.

Note the tow bar. I appreciate the fun kids can have hooking this up to, say, an Assault Systems Pod and hauling it around. But that ASP had better be clad in asbestos, is all I'm saying

So what do I think of the Thunder Machine? Well that question must first address what I think of the Dreadnoks. Personally, I could do without them. To me, they served to diffuse G.I. Joes mission a bit. Instead of hunting a global, para-military terrorist group, they were getting mixed up with domestic biker punks. The Dreadnoks should have been dealt a swift double-tap to the head, but they became fan favourites thanks to their portrayal in the Joe media and have become icons of the Joe-verse. I like this vehicle because it is so very unique but held off getting it for the longest time as it just doesn't fit. I can't very well see conventional Cobra operatives operating it, so it's inclusion in my Cobra motorpool must acknowledge the presence of the Dreadnoks. I only own Monkeywrench and now Thrasher and have no desire at getting any more. So what does my Thunder Machine do? And the answer is: I have no idea. Cobra's attempt at the world land speed record? All I can say is a spoiler wouldn't be amiss as this thing I'm sure would have a tendency to take off.

Being a Dreadnok is all about rocking your midriff. 

Thrasher is starting to grow on me. A solid sculpt (albeit a bit top heavy with a big head, big body and leeeetle legs) he would have seen use in my more imaginative, possibly sci-fi adventures. Must be the lumo green streaks. I like the raised spikes on his shins, and the paint applications sprung to include little dabs of silver to denote spikes on his right wrist. His left hand is sculpted as wearing a sports mitt of some kind. His weapon of choice? A spiked lacrosse stick. Nice. He is also armed with a killer smirk.