Lady Shae; Shady Lady

Ah Lady Jaye. I'm not going to review her. Rather Just recommend her. She takes the winning Renegades Scarlett mold and succeeds in un-toonifying her. Super.

And not a bloody BFG in sight. While we get nothing new, we do get the most finely sculpted GI Joe small arms produced in recent years, some of which sport superb paint detailing right out of the package. I love this figure. Love it. Bravo my Has Bro's.

Retaliation Firefly: Luge Expert

Where to begin? How about the write up, woeful replacement for the filecard that it is.

First off, has copyright law gotten to the point where we now need a ® and an asterisk? It makes for one ugly blurb. Yes. Text can and should be aesthetically pleasing. But this package fell out of the ugly tree and most certainly hit every branch on the way down. Subsequently run over by the ugly truck and thrown into the ugly bin.


So FIREFLY®* lights up the night on his blast board? Extra points for being a discreet ninja saboteur there. Lucky for him, in reality it is not as 'power-charged' as the blurb would have you believe. The lights are weak at best. But more on that later.

It goes on to say it's loaded with explosive canisters. Umm. I count one. And there is no capacity for a spare. So I guess that's a little creative license on the part of the author. And I guess saying 'loaded with explosive canister' sounds less impressive, even if more honest. Always a spoonful of deceit with your helping of action figure. And that is the most deadly feature of all.

So he rides this badboy into battle? There had better be pretty decently paved roads leading into the fray. Preferably on a downward slope.

Now this is just insulting. This photograph is reproduced three times on the package and once more in the illustration on the instructions. And in not one of these images is Firefly gripping the handle. How the hell is someone supposed to get a "power up" glow off of these suckers if not even the manufacturer can get him to grasp them? Bad enough the light is insipid. But once you manage to wrap his hands around these... nobs, the piping is ineffectual. Yeah. The forearms do not light up. Deceit!


But let's assume for a minute it did work,  what's the gimmick supposed to denote? That Firefly is some kind of cyborg who draws energy from his recumbent bike? Maybe he shares Gambit's mutant ability and it is in fact he who powers the board. I don't know. Could care less. Wasted too many words already.

But as an added bonus, there is some exposed piping on the bottom bringing out some engine detail. Very Fast And Furious of them.

I'm not sure about having the explosive canister being dispensed in front of the vehicle, unless this is the first luge in the world to have a reverse gear. Needless to say I will easily ignore this feature. Hell, at this rate, the luge will most likely wind up in the BFG drawer, forgotten.

And Firefly himself? Well let's get the tragic news out of the way. Single knee joints and no wrist or ankle articulation. Ya know, ten years ago I wouldn't miss them. But ignorance is bliss friends. We have been spoilt and a gummy plastic Joe with these joints absent channels this blight:

But beyond that and the green needing a paint wash or two to dull it down, the sculpt is a winner. I love how the collar and head sculpt evoke him:

                                    


So that if I didn't have this guy already

I could whip up a nifty custom.

There are some decorative paint apps that scream Dreadnok. Hey, they had a pirate on a flying triangle.  A luge rider wasn't much of a departure.

And then there's the alternate head. Very evocative of the standard soldiers populating the Metal Gear Solid world. I like it, and gives the figure that army build potential, because let's face it, this ain't Firefly.

And here's some pure vanilla. The dinky holsters are functional. And removable. And the guns aren't half bad. Mounting a sensible automatic on the right for detailed work, he's got a massive revolver on the left for all out mayhem. 

And the sculpts are new as far as I can tell and fun. A little bit of paint could work wonders to bring out the detail and make them look a little more metallic, I shall no doubt get stuck in when I get back to the good ol RSA. Unfortunately the revolver does have a sloped grip, and without the innovative wrist tilt articulation, the result is less than satisfying. But hey, for a time, movie figures were denying us functioning holsters completely, so I'm gonna just smile and nod.

Final verdict? If you are after a Firefly version to usurp your POC or 25th Anniversary versions, give him a skip.

If reductions in articulation irk you, avoid this figure.

If you can't stand blister card space taken up with gimmickry, leaving the figure with next to no accessories, this figure is not for you.

If nothing I've said put you off, he should be very available in a toy store soon! Whoop whoop.

I bought a Mint In Sealed Box GI Joe toy...

The experience of opening one of these vehicle boxes, I mean. I never had the experience of having this tasty little Fanta boat as a child.

And what a joy the opening a minty-mint GI Joe vehicle was to a young-un. Assembling. Sticker...ing. Dispatching it on its maiden mission. This is why we still collect no? Chasing the rainbow of nostalgia. So with glee I snatched up this gorgeous, little, rather old box. It was as if fate had placed it in my path. Some 26 years ago, this toy came into existence and began its long wait, moving from shop to shop, it's ultimate destiny to come into my hands. Such an exciting prospect. Or at least that would have been the case if it had in fact been Mint In Sealed Box.

No friends, this was a resealed box with fully assembled contents, decals applied and even a healthy dose of play wear. What a joke.

Clever bastards put a little clear tape over the factory tape to make me believe its seal was intact. I am the fool. Pity.

Nerd RAGE! And even more sad, it did not contain a catalogue or a 'Free GI Joe Action Figure Body Transfer'. To this day, I have no idea what that is.

The real joke would have been me shelling out four hundred Sing Dollars for this:

Yes, I know it looks like a sealed Crusader Shuttle, the box is in pretty tip top shape but open it up and you get one beat up, yellowed, pre-assembled and then later disassembled toy. Oh for shame. Let me expose you, you disgraceful shitmerchants.
Very Cool Stuff in the China Square Central mall is a heartbreaking affair. Meticulously repackaged vintage toys of varying (typically shitty) condition.
The Crusader was going to be my Xmas self gift. Dodged the bullet and got this pretty but ultimately less fun Skywarp. But I wanted to take Joe to space, ma!

Best Masterpiece Transformer vehicle mode ever. The robot has 99 problems but the Alt Mode ain't one. Hit me.

If nothing else it has strengthened my resolve to get that Defiant Launch Complex. Because I'm just absurd like that and will then be forced to buy a house to keep these monstrosities.
Brings me to an interesting point: those of us who are toy-crazy and live alone, is your place overrun with figures and vehicles? Or do you restrain yourselves? Jokingly I let my habit all hang out these days and my room looks thus:

Bless the women who have passed through my door. They must be some kind of desperate to go for a 28 year old man child who falls asleep under the watchful eye of Charles Xavier. Or maybe it'll help me find a female me. Because that's just what this world needs. Chicks who play with four inch soldiers. Love at first fight. Pew-pew