Swampmasher

I did a tally not too long ago of which production years I had the highest number of vehicle purchases in. I'm no completionist, but without intending it, I have every G.I. Joe vehicle produced in 1988, save for the Mean Dog. Still trying to twist my friend Paul's arm for his. I suppose it was just a good year. Somewhat of a vehicle reboot year, I'd say. There was a new jeep, new APC, new jet, new assault vehicles, new oddballs. By oddballs, I refer to the RPV and Swampmasher.

The RPV is still an anomaly. The blueprints suggest it's just basically a missile launcher.

 Boring.

To me, the name Remote Piloted Vehicle suggests that it is a drone launcher, used for flying and spying. At least that way it carves out its own niche. Because let's face it, is there a G.I. Joe vehicle in existence that doesn't fire a missile? Or seven?

The Swampmasher has a pretty narrow niche too. And a pretty unique gimmick. But what the hell does it do?

Mash swamps, that's what.

It's small, low-slung, possesses an absurdly large primary weapon and carries three personnel and not much else. No room for gear. Or fuel. Or ammo. It does have a tow hook, but I doubt many towable items would be able to travel the terrain this thing is built for. Boasting a 4.3 litre, 350 brake horse power engine I suppose this would make for a pretty utilitarian tractor for use around a base. Combine a massively overpowered engine with its diminutive size, the 'Masher is not designed with range in mind. She's built to get into an inaccessible place, get concealed and lie in ambush.

I don't care much for the ordinance. I only have one of the two 'magnetic array detection bombs' and their presence is not terribly thought-through. They jut out further than the vehicle's bull-bar and that seems like a liability on a vehicle designed to rampage through unforgiving environments.

And the wheel gimmick? It's unique, but doesn't function as smoothly as I'd like. I can't find any real-life examples of this setup that isn't attached to luggage. How the axles and drive-train functions is a mystery. Pretty impressive universal joints in play there, as this would have to be a twelve wheel-drive vehicle in order to achieve the feats it intends. The 'tyres' claw-like appearance seem to clog a little too easily with the kind of swamp fauna it's likely to encounter. All told, I'd rather four large balloon tires. That would make this just a big quad. No fun, right?

Aaaaand just when you thought this hunk of mint and grape flavour couldn't get any tastier, celebrity customizer Fireflyed does this:

Yuck. Why does this guy have to come along and make all my toys look silly?